Finding balance...

In the months leading up to our wedding, I decided to count macros and really focus on body fat loss and muscle gain, also to lose those last few stubborn pounds to look my best on the big day. I found that counting macros was an incredibly effective way to fine-tune my eating habits and properly fuel my body for workouts... it worked so well that it became sort of an addiction, as I've heard that tends to happen. When something works and you see results, you want to keep seeing those results.

The problem with counting macros is everything for your entire day is mapped out. If someone wants to grab appetizers and drinks after work, well... no-can-do. I've already allotted this many grams of fats, carbs and protein for my day, and that would just throw it off... It was a strict way of eating that just made social gatherings a hazard, and enjoyment often was the sacrifice. But with something as big as a wedding, and looking your absolute best for that big day, friends seemed to understand the sacrifices I was making... as long as they were short term and I was at the very least going to enjoy myself on my wedding day...

My wedding day was amazing and I absolutely ate what I wanted that day and enjoyed every minute of it. Even on my honeymoon I put the calorie count app away and didn't use it the entire time we were in Kauai. We just simply enjoyed healthy foods and some not-so-healthy foods, and made sure to do fun activities that got us the exercise we needed. I managed to maintain my lowest weight (same weight I was on my wedding day) the entire time we were on our honeymoon with little to no effort, and that was a good feeling.

It has been about 3 weeks since we've returned from the honeymoon and with the holidays coming up I am finding myself at a crossroads. Do I start counting macros again and tackle the last 7 lbs during the holiday season? OR do I enjoy myself, possibly putting a few pounds on, but not too many, and try to tackle what I can assume will be the last 10 lbs at the beginning of the year? Enjoying food and time with family without feeling like I'm trapped in a cage of restrictions might be a pretty good way to go, and it's quite possible I can still make healthy choices and not even gain any weight... I just don't think I'm ready for another couple months of super-restricted eating habits that make everyone around me feel awkward and sensitive to my choices.

Counting macros works, and someday I may return to it, but enjoying myself and truly immersing myself in the holidays this year sounds like a good way to go. And who knows, maybe I will find some great healthy holiday recipes to keep me on track without feeling deprived or in a sugar coma! :P

Holiday hurdles...

I've started tracking my food again, via the my Fitness Pal app. I'm not gonna lie, my biggest fear of this holiday season is falling off the wagon. I know I won't completely, but I really don't want to lose sight of my goals. I want to continue to eat as paleo as possible, and with so many of my favorite old holiday treats showing up on store shelves its becoming harder and harder to resist. I've stayed the same weight for abou 3 months now, no weight gain, but no loss either. I am thrilled that I have managed to maintain my total loss of 27 lbs for 3 months, but my goal has not yet been reached. I'd like to lose more weight and gain more muscle, and that's a difficult battle - even without the holidays.

So I've started tracking my food again. One thing I have noticed is my metabolism. I can eat a lot more calories now and maintain my weight - as long as they are healthy nutritious calories, of course. I still avoid gluten and grains, and have a renewed love affair with cauliflower rice, but chocolate has been creeping its way back in to my daily diet, and I really need to cut back.

I am also looking into different workout routines. It's been a little difficult staying motivated now that the time has changed and its getting colder. Sleeping and snuggling under a blanket sound so much more inviting that lifting at the gym, but I haven't completely stopped. I've been focusing more on Cardio because it's easier for me to go on auto-pilot, you know... mentally check out and just get it over with. But I need to get back on the weight lifting wagon. Its good for me.

So it looks like that 6 lbs in 6 weeks challenge didn't really work out so well, but I'm not too discouraged. I didn't gain 6 lbs. In fact, my jeans are starting to feel a little bit loose, despite the lack of weight loss - but I hope that isn't from my lack of lifting. :-/

Looks like I've got a date with some dumbbells tomorrow.

The Six-and-a-half-week challenge...

The month of October has just zoomed by in a blur.... a very fuzzy, very crazy blur of birthdays, events, holidays, outings and more birthdays.

I began with a friends birthday, with celebratory outings and food - oh the food. There were sandwiches, chimichangas, churros, candy, cake and a lot of other things I "only had a few bites of". Yes, I was good, but not that good. I didn't overeat but I definitely indulged a little too much.

The whole month has been like that really. I was on a role in September: I had successfully lost about 5 more lbs and was on the verge of meeting my actual Drivers License weight. And then October happened. Food, fun and more food.

I'm not upset because I haven't really gained any weight back, I've just hit a wall. My workouts are helping me stay at this weight, but I dont want to stay at this weight. I want to keep going.

So here is my challenge: I HAVE 6.5 WEEKS UNTIL THE COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY.

I want to lose at least another 5 or 6 lbs in the next 6 weeks. Totally doable I think. Thats 1 lb a week if I am diligent and do not break. I can do this. I know I can.

I will be going 98% paleo (a girl needs her 70% cacao chocolate fix - HAHA)
I will be tracking my calories
I will be working out like a beast.

Ok, here I go.

Sometimes a little downtime is all you need

Sometimes a girl just needs a day off from working out. 

Sometimes she needs a little Tom Yum soup from her favorite Thai restaurant with some of her favorite coworkers.

Sometimes the sun doesn't come out on Friday, making the idea of swimming in a cold outdoor pool the LAST thing I want to do.

Sometimes I don't eat enough greens, or drink enough water.

Sometimes a little downtime is just what the doctor ordered.

Yes, I took today off from working out. Yes, some people think no days off is the only way.... well, 'round here I take a day off if my body is feeling fatigued and sluggish. I worked out 4 days this week, and tomorrow I will workout again... 

{selfie photo of me in my new nike throwback shirt.... gotta love new workout clothes!}

Evil BMI Charts

I work at a company that is kind enough to spoil us with a health and fitness program. Part of those benefits, apparently, is an annual {voluntary} biometric testing -  you know, cholesterol, glucose levels, triglyceride levels.... it's pretty bad ass.

So I decided, yes, of course I wanted to do this. I should know where I stand as far as my health is concerned. In all honesty, I felt pretty confident I was going to see decent results, and I was right.... for the most part....

Turns out, according to the nurse that drew my blood and scanned it in her handy dandy little machine, All of my "numbers" are excellent. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol levels are great, glucose levels are great, and so on.... BUT... my BMI was NOT great.

You see, because I am a short 5'5" woman.... my weight throws a wrench into my healthy system. I pack a mighty punch in this little body of mine. When most people guess my weight, they are a solid 30+ pounds off.... and I mean I am usually 30 lbs heavier than most guesses.

So, you can see where this is going. I weighed in.... after seeing the number, in my head I hear, "Awesome! I'm another pound lighter AND I have clothes on right now!"
What the nurse said after calculating my BMI, "Well, this is where you need some work. your BMI is 30, which makes you Obese. You know, you could improve that by changing your diet and doing some exercise...."

Obese.

That awful, awful word.

I laughed in her face, but in that HOW DARE YOU kind of way. I saved her the explanation because I doubt she wanted to hear about how I've lost almost 10 pounds already from DIET and EXERCISE, ahem, thank you very much mean nurse lady..... I knew she didn't care. It wasn't worth the hassle.

I left feeling a little bummed. It hurt to hear that after everything I've gone through this year so far, I'm still OBESE. It's terrible, how a simple word can make you feel so defeated. And then I went from feeling defeated to feeling angry.

How dare they categorize us all into about 5 different body types?!?!?!? We are a gigantic race with each and every one of us, a different make up. Different body types, genetics, disorders, hurdles.... this stupid piece of shit BMI chart is practically a playground bully.... rubbing your face in the metaphorical sand that is obesity.

I mean, seriously.... take a look at this.

Because of my height, I am apparently the second from the right.....

Clearly, this BMI chart business is for the birds. I am in the OVERWEIGHT section, not the OBESE section. I understand it helps some people get an idea of where they are and where they should be, but in my case, I feel like it was a complete miss... I know I have work left to do to myself, but COME ON.

Please dont focus too much on these charts. They are a vague generalization.

DETOX: Day 15 update

It has been one hell of a roller coaster, this detox thing. I made it exactly 14 days without even wavering off the program. So far I've lost a total of 7 lbs, and a few inches off my waist... But last night, I did waver..... I had a MEAL for dinner.

However, I don't plan on quitting all together. It was a special night, and I went to have a nice meal - one of my favorite things in the world: Pumpkin Curry. Yes, I'm aware it wasn't the healthiest thing in the world to eat after a detox, BUT it was a far cry from terrible for me. After all, I did still order brown rice (always) instead of white, and it only had a little bit of cream in it.

How I felt after eating it: Extremely full, even though I ate about 1/2 of what I would have normally, so I can definitely tell my stomach has shrunk. I didn't feel sick, my stomach didn't hurt... nothing felt out of the ordinary.... so maybe I didn't waver too far off my path. Food for thought.

I juiced again this morning. I wanted to try to stick to the healthy morning regime. I think that is where a lot of my calories come from. I used to eat a smoothie with protein powder - probably totaling something around 300 calories, then I'd also have 2 eggs - another 160 calories and a good amount of fat, and i'd snack on nuts before boot camp..... so before lunch that was probably an average of 600 calories.... and that doesn't include my sugary 290 calorie coffee drink. Hmmm...
Come to think of it, if I compare that to what I'm doing now: A large fresh juice blend from 2 apples, 1 lemon, a little bit of ginger, 1 cucumber and a few stalks of celery - probably at most 100 calories. Then about an hour after I drink that, I have some tea.... no sweetener. 0 Cals. At 10:00 I have an apple with sunflower seed butter for energy before boot camp - about 275 calories.

Morning totals before detox: 600 cals
Morning totals after detox: 375 cals

Calories saved with new regime: 225
Calories per week saved: 1575

Yikes. Thats pretty good. I really need to try my very hardest to stick to this morning regime. If I look at that from a monthly perspective, thats almost 2 pounds saved per month. What a concept.

ANYWAY....

Goals for the remaining week, stick to the program as best as I can. Follow the elimination diet as much as possible for as long as possible, and TRY WITH ALL MY MIGHT to keep making smoothies and/or soups for dinners -  and at a reasonable hour.

Let's see 10 lbs lost!!!

DETOX: Day 8

It's been a few days since my last detox update. Thought I'd report on the progress....

I'll admit, the weekend was really hard. Old traditions die hard folks.... First thing that entered my groggy Saturday morning head was... mmmmmmmmm what to have for breakfast.

.... Then I came to and realized, nope.... juice. 

I recovered from that initial disappointment, and went to a vegan restaurant for lunch with some friends who are also detoxing with me. I actually enjoyed {no lie} my kale salad with carrots avocado and walnuts, with a cacao and almond milk "shake" YUM. {stick together if you're detoxing, folks. It really helps.} All in all, I survived the weekend without cheating. I've yet to fall off the wagon, 8 days in. I'm pretty proud! 

In other news, I weighed myself on Sunday. 6 lbs down.

That's my biggest achievement so far. I really hope it continues to drop.... I could use another 14 lbs to fall off.... but that's just being a little optimistic. HEHE

Other changes of note: 

• I'm on NO meds, other than my inhaler. Allergy pills have not been taken for 8 days, and I feel fine without them. I'm also off the pill because I wasn't thrilled with the idea of all of those hormones and other toxins being pumped into my body on the daily... and it feels good to be free of them.

• My skin is more supple. I suffer from dry skin and right now is the worst time of year for my skin, and somehow it's doing quite well. Especially in my face. My face is actually dewy.... in a good way. Not oily. Just even and calm. Calm seems to be the best word to describe it.

• Energy is still low for workouts. I've found that eating an apple with the BEST BUTTER is my saving grace..... allow me to clarify:
The BEST BUTTER is also known as SUNFLOWER SEED BUTTER. 

The best stuff on earth. Better than almond butter. Just try it and you'll see. {on this cleanse you can't eat peanuts because of some sort of fungus that grows naturally on them that causes tummy trouble if you're cleansing.}

New exciting discovery: CLEAN BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP

At night I am supposed to drink a smoothie for dinner.... or I have the option to make a healthy soup, it just has to be the same consistency of a smoothie. So I found this recipe and I've got to say, it's better than most restaurants. I'm not kidding. 

{I added 1/2 sweet onion to add a little extra flavor}

I made enough that I get to have it again tonight.
Ask me if I am excited about that.

Why YES. YES I AM.

hahahaha

And...... that's it for Day 8.

Body Image

In the past few days I've noticed a lot of people writing on their blogs about body image. Women, of course. Beautiful women who are uncomfortable in a body I am trying to obtain... isn't that silly?

Aren't we all just so silly?

I read these posts shaking my head.... How can these women think they're undesirable, overweight, chubby, too big for a bikini - or the worst one - dreading having to wear the "mom suit" at the beach. That one hits me on a personal level.... because I'm not a mom, but I cover my body with what these women deem a "mom suit" - they are afraid of looking like me.

ouch.

Talk about a sucker punch to my ego - not that it was their intention, but what I dont think women realize is that if they are in the "normal" weight range on those god-awful BMI charts, they have absolutely nothing to complain about. (fun fact: I am in the morbidly obese range because of my height, yet I am capable of 5K mud runs, swimming and boot camp workouts 4-5 days a week - those BMI charts are bullshit) These women don't see that they are completely normal, beautiful in fact, and that they should rock the hell out of that bikini, and nobody is going to judge them otherwise.

I see this pattern, mainly in the naturally thin women. These women had it easy growing up. They could eat all they wanted and not gain an ounce, while chubby-little-mess Erin had to sit in the corner wishing she could have that ice cream they were eating. I've never been thin, I've been unhealthy trying to be thin, but it's just not in the cards for me, and I get that. But when these bloggers type their woes on their blogs about their struggles with the 15 lbs they can't seem to shed to get back to their High School weight (are you effing kidding me?), I have little pity for them. I have been eating salads my whole adult life to look like these women do AT THEIR HEAVIEST, and they don't see that their insecurities hurt other people. Love your body, please.

I just wish this body image pandemic would be laid to rest. I know it will be an ongoing struggle, with fashion and advertising rubbing skinny 15 year olds in our faces the rest of our lives, but can we at least try? Can we just love our bodies for as long as they answer to us and give us what we ask? Movement, life, the ability to run, swim, hike, surf, play sports.....

Is it too much to ask for that?

DETOX: Day 3

Day 3 was interesting, a bit more difficult for some reason. I've been sleeping like a rock, and it's been hard to get up and get ready for work. I've noticed my digestion isn't "changing" like it should, so I've started doing hot water with lemon in the morning while I get ready for work. It helps with the "I need coffee" craving, which is still one of my lingering problems.

Workouts are getting harder, as I have a lot less energy to keep me going through the hour. I've noticed cardio isn't that tiring, I can keep up in that department, but its the weight training, push ups, and workouts of that variety that really make me see stars.... yep I saw stars one day, and it unnerving, but I pushed through it and was ok.

My hardest time of day is still dinner. I'm cranky then too. It's hard getting home from a long day knowing I can' have a nice warm comfy dinner - I have to have a smoothie. HOWEVER, once it's over, I actually feel satisfied. I don't want anything else.

I really miss coffee. I miss my afternoon latte treat. Honestly I could keep most of these healthy habits alive, but I will need my coffee and my dinners back please.

That is all.

E

DETOX: Day 2

Day two is here. Day one is in the past. 

And you know what? It wasn't that bad.

I'm honestly a little shocked it went as smoothly as it did. I wan't hungry after my morning juice, I had a pear right before my workout, had an AMAZING workout and felt great afterward. Then I had a great lunch, and was pretty much full the rest of the evening, with a little beet and almond juice concoction for dinner. 

I even woke up this morning without a growling tummy. c r a z y.

This mornings juice was better than yesterday.

cucumber, apples, lemon, some spinach and a little ginger. delicious.

(I really like the juicing concept, and its working for me.... but the only thing i'm disliking is the cleanup of the juicer. What a mess. But it's just fruit so everything rinses off rather easily.)

So, as of this morning the feelings of note are: 

• my tea tastes different, not as good. So I tried a different one.

• I'm not running to the bathroom every 20 minutes like yesterday... even though I'm drinking the same amount of water.... huh.

• Not sure if its a mirage, but my skin already looks a little bit better. It probably also helps that i switched face and body lotion to all natural almost-vegan lotions (I LOVE the refill shoppe)

and, that's about it for my DETOX DAY 2 entry....

DETOX: Day 1

A couple friends and I are embarking upon a new adventure: DETOXING.

This is my very first time detoxing, and I think we chose a very safe, and tolerable plan. It is inspired by the CLEAN diet, where you juice in the morning, have a leafy lunch with a protein (think salad with chicken and light Olive oil and balsamic) and then a smoothie for dinner.

Today is my first morning of juicing. This morning consisted of carrots, apples and celery. YUM. It actually is very sweet (I am actually a big fan of carrot juice) and the apple gives it a nice little tang. I'm current'y craving something crunchy, and might munch on a pear in a little bit.

I'm very hopeful this detox will help my body get back on track. Something has just felt slightly off for some time now, and I have had a serious struggle with weight loss, and I have this gut feeling there is something going on internally that might be fixed through this cleanse. 

I plan on doing a journal entry every day throughout this detox. It'll be nice to see the highs and lows of this process.

Until tomorrow, happy juicing!!

E

Getting over the three-week hump...

I'm trying not to get discouraged here. I know it has only been about 3 weeks of clean eating and excercise, but when so many changes have been made with barely any results seen, its hard not to feel defeated. All of my friends and closest supporters are telling me to keep my chin up, because this kind of lifestyle change is not going to show immediate results, but in time I will start to see the difference.

I met with a nutritionist yesterday, mostly to talk about dinner. I've met with her before, and she made wonderful suggestions for breakfast and lunches, which I have recently implemented into my diet. Yesterday was the time to talk about dinner.... and my progress. She made me feel better about my results, or the lack thereof, and tried to have me focus on the other reasons I am making this change. I want to be healthy, I want to feel young and vibrant and happy, not sick and tired all the time. For too many years I've been feeling lazy, lathargic and just plain down on myself. I am enjoying how I feel on the inside... it's just hard when how i feel on the inside doesn't match how I feel on the outside. I still hate how I look in my underwear. I still feel like a one piece at the beach is an absolute necessity. I'm 28, I am still well within the teeny bikini age bracket, this is just ridiculous.

Where were we? Oh yea, dinner. 

So my dinner plate is supposed to look pretty bright and green, with a little meat (about 25% of the plate) a little healthy starch (carrots, peas, sweet potatoes - again about 25% of the plate), a salad with leafy greens and some fresh green veggies. Easy peasy.

So, I'm pretty much doing that – and it's pretty much a 180 flip from what I was doing before, and yet I weigh... wait for it..... 1.9 lbs MORE than before.

I know I know... I shouldn't be weighing myself. Even the nutritionist said to avoid the scale. But seriously, who wouldn't be curious after like 3 weeks of all this hard work and healthy eating?

Notes to self {from the nutritionist and good smart friends}:

• Fu©% that scale.

• Muscle weighs more than fat. the extra 1.9 lbs perhaps?

• Think positive. Look at the perks that are already showing themselves. 

  – Hair is not falling out nearly as badly - it's a long-hair thing.

  – I work out better, feel fuller longer when I eat well.

  – Bad cravings are almost completely GONE.

• This is me now....

.....and quite frankly, its not that bad. 

Nothing is impossible... and this is a damn good starting point.

And so, long story short... meeting with the nutritionist brought some motivation back, and talked me into not giving up like I usually do.

a new beginning...

so, it's been two weeks since boyfriend and i broke up. i am hurting still, but it is for the best. the emotions will always be there, regardless of who initiated the end.

one good sign that is coming out of all of this is i am finding myself attracted to other people already. which makes me excited, and very very nervous. i am not yet physically ready to be single. i don't feel sexy or confident, and you kind of need those things to attract other people in my experience. i was lucky enough to find boyfriend even though i was nowhere near my goal weight. next time i will not let this happen. i need to feel comfortable in my own skin, and it starts now.

i will be working out at the gym 4-5 days a week... and hopefully someday when my finances are in better order, i will be joining Crossfit with my friends... i can't think of a better opportunity to get in shape and possibly meet new people in the process.

so here we go... 26 years old. single. and starting over.

The DON'T list

This post is mostly for myself, but feel free to read about what I'm deciding to eliminate from my diet and life. These are all the NO NO's for my quest to fit into my skinny jeans...

1. Fast Food be gone.
Boyfriend is a pretty big influence on the fast food. I would never typically go myself, unless it was VERY late and I hadn't eaten all day. But I am officially vowing to NEVER eat at a fast food chain... unless I'm buying a diet coke or water. McDonalds McMuffin, I will miss you.

2. NO to the chips.
I have a serious weakness for the chips. If I show up to a party and there is a chips and dip table, you can guess where I set up camp for the evening. Those darn chips have got to go, cuz carrots and raw veggies are movin' in...

3. Pulling the sweet tooth.
Desserts are also one of my vices. I have a serious sweet tooth and crave chocolate almost every afternoon. Candy, cake, ice cream, pastries, and sugary-loaded foods are being pulled from my menu. Those sugar-free, special K, fiber-loaded energy bars just might be my saving grace.

4. Adios, dearest fried food.
French fries had moved out of my life when I was younger, but they've crept back on my go-to list of devilish sides. I need to dump the fries, and maybe I'll be able to dump my "big jeans" too...

5. Less TV, more sweat. 
I am a bonified couch potato who used to be an athlete. I allow myself to get to the point where I don't feel an ounce of guilt for sitting on the couch and watching TV, even though I've been in a cubicle all day. I need to get to the point again where I start panicking a little bit if I haven't broken a sweat for 30 minutes that day.... I've joined a gym now, and this has already gone into effect, but I definitely want to keep it a priority.

Ok, there are some basic rules to live by for the time being. I didn't want to make too many to start... it's all about the baby steps.

The worst mistake

So last night I was walking my dog around the block when it happend.

My dog was sniffing a bush as I was standing, not thinking someone was watching me at all, therefor I was not thinking about my posture or 'sucking it in' at all...

A woman walks by and asks, "how's your baby?"
A little confused, I asked, "you mean my dog? She's good."
Now pointing to my stomach, "No, your baby! How far along are you?"
My response, "Oh, I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat that way..."
Lady: "Oh dear." as she briskly walked away in embarrassment.

Oh. my. god. Seriously? I was feeling really good about myself that day too.

Nothing like the 'worst mistake ever' to ruin your excercise mojo... ugh.

I read somewhere . . .

 . . . That 70% of weight loss is influenced by diet, 

and 30% is influenced by exercise.

I totally believe this is true. Why?

Because when I work out really really hard... I only lose a pound or two.

Then I stop working out really really hard, and I only gain a pound or two.

My only consistency in this so-called diet is my eating habits... 

As much as I'd like to say I eat healthy, the truth is: I eat pretty badly... 

Somewhere along the line my food conscience {you know, the little person in your head that tells you 'you shouldn't be eating that'} fell asleep or went on vacation and never came back. Or maybe it's on hawaiian time... and doesn't get to tell me I SHOULDN'T until 3 hours after I DID.

The only time I tell my self that's a bad idea, is after I've already eaten it... This is something I'm trying to work on... eating only the good stuff. Snacking on only the good stuff. WANTING only the good stuff.
** and by 'good' I mean healthy  : )

Someday...

So I know it's been like years since I've posted . . .

But I did something crazy on Friday. Something I've been wanting to do, and dreading to do at the same time. I finally swallowed my pride, got up the courage and did the unthinkable....

I JOINED A GYM.

Amazing isn't it? Now I will be forced to go to the gym and work out, or pay my "fat tax" which is my gym membership. First class is tonight.... Body Sculpting. Yipeeeeeee....

Aren't ya proud?

hehehehe

A Turning Point

Last night I saw an old friend I hadn't seen in a year. We met at work way back when. We just got along so well and became fast friends. I moved on from that company with a new job and she and her husband had a baby... so this explains our gap in hangout time. But we finally got to meet up again... and boy did it help me get back on the diet wagon... heres how:

I'm not judgmental, but from my experience in the past with seeing friends have kids, I've learned that having a baby changes things. It changes your body, and most of the time, makes you gain weight. When I saw my friend last night she looked thinner and fitter than before she had her baby. It was a WOW kind of moment... I was amazed at how awesome she looked, and then thought, why don't I look that good?

After talking with her about her life-changing motherhood, she told me how she gained 50 lbs during her pregnancy, but brisk walking daily, and eating almost all vegetables and fruits with whole grains (occasionally she'll eat fish, but she's mostly vegetarian) she lost her baby weight -- and then some.

Walking and veggies. Is it really that simple? It got me thinking... perhaps motherhood for her created a shift in priorities. Before the baby she thought more about food and cooking and recipes and what her husband would think was tasty, and now she just makes sure she eats and eats healthy. Food is a lower priority than baby.

Maybe I should re-prioritize my own outlook on food. I put food at the number one spot on my list. WHY? because it's the reason I am so unhappy with my self-image. It is my main focus, my drug of choice, and I give it way too much attention. So what I am going to do is this: Food is what keeps me alive. Eat what's right, and what's good for me. Splurge once a week... that's it. I'm changing my workout routine to walking every day, with a run once a week. If I keep it low-impact and do it longer I burn the same amount of calories without the pain and suffering. I am NOT becoming a vegetarian, but I think I might give the idea of ridding my diet of RED MEAT a try... Chicken and Fish only.

It's amazing how inspired you can get when you see someone break the mold and succeed with weight loss. I can only hope that I will be able to do what she did... baby or no baby.

Progress in Measurements...

I took my measurements this morning... and am finding that some inches have wandered off my body... and I have no intensions for sending a search party after them...

Here are my new measurements:

• • • • • • • • • • • • • 

Waist: 36" (– 1 inch)

Hips: 40" ( – 1.5 inches)

Chest: 36.5" (– 1.5 inches)

Arms: 13" (same)

Thighs: 22" (+1/2 inch: I'm calling it muscle)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • 

TOTAL inches lost: 4 inches... guess all that running is actually doing something  : )

WOO HOO!!!!!

An Experimental Break

I just realized how long it has been since my last post. I haven't posted, probably because I haven't really been following the regimen I so strategically set up for myself. A lot has been going on these past few weeks. Holidays, schedules, gatherings, work and night school. When I have that much going on I tend to throw my hands up in the air and say 'forget it all' when it comes to my diet, and I go about my business... then I weigh in a few weeks later and regret that decision. You see the vicious cycle yet?

I still weigh the exact same. My measurements haven't changed either. I can definitely see more definition in my legs and arms from working out, so at least there's ONE result from all this... I've basically gotten too frustrated with the idea of counting calories. It's a joke actually. I hit my limit after my lunch almost every day, so I work out to be able to eat dinner... which allows me 300 calories. If you're anything like me, that's nearly impossible to do without still feeling hungry.

I'm a very picky eater and need a lot of variety... and variety isn't a close friend of Mr. Diet. So, yeah... finding an eating routine is VERY hard for me. I like change way too much, and shudder at the thought of eating the same thing for 5 days in a row...

One other problem has been my night class schedule. I get off work at 4:30 and race through town to get to class by 5:00 -- no time for food. Class starts at 5:00 and goes til 9:30... we get a 20 minute break around 7:00. I know I could bring something to eat, and probably should, but I hate eating food that has been sitting in a car or a fridge getting soggy or stale... I'm kinda OCD about fresh food... and there's not enough time to go grab something fresh from a store, so I don't eat until I get home.... around 10:00 p.m. -- and I'm starving and gorging on all kinds of random things, and I end up overeating. BAH.

Luckily class is only 10 weeks long and I'm nearing the end of week 3. I've decided the calorie counting is going to be temporarily put on hold, and I'm going to just make healthy choices and stop counting calories for the remainder of class, and continue to exercise whenever the opportunity is present.

It's kind of like an experimental diet break, with the continuation of exercise... and it should be interesting to see if it results in a loss or gain. Sometimes I lose more weight when I'm not thinking about it so much.