A Happy State of Mind - Regarding health and body image

A little while back I posted about those last 7 lbs, and how I said I didn't care about how fast they melted off and that I planned on enjoying myself a little more during the holidays.

Well, the last 10 days or so I've been weighing myself every day and getting disappointed with the lack of results on the scale. I've even upped my workouts, moving up to 2 workouts per day and what else have I done? I started counting macros again.

Really Erin?

What ever happened to "letting it happen, and relaxing a little bit?" -- Because obsessing over the scale and counting macros is not relaxing in the least bit. I need a mental health intervention.

I have an interesting little story to tell... for about a year or so I have been CONVINCED that I had developed a handful of food allergies. I convinced myself of this to the point where I avoided soy, gluten and dairy like the plague - as though it really did harm my body. I even developed my dreaded skin rashes again - all over my body, to back up my new theory. So I finally went to see an allergist to get tested for basically every food I come in contact with. My whole back was tested with a plethora of food tests - and a basic "Histamine" test spot (which always produces a reaction) to make sure my body was reacting properly.

Well, absolutely no foods at all tested positive for an allergy. I'm not allergic to any foods whatsoever. The only reaction I got was the darn Histamine test spot. You would think I would have been elated with these results. But I was so convinced that I had food allergies that I felt disappointed. The Doctor sent me home with some basic skin care maintenance information that I already knew about, and that was that.

A few weeks went by and I took the same care of my skin, ate the same foods... even ate a few things I shouldn't have because "why not? I'm not allergic!" -- And you know what happened? All those rashes that were on my skin before completely cleared up.

Why? Because my state of mind changed. I was not stressing about all the foods I was putting in my body. I wasn't worried anymore. A weight had been lifted and I had an answer on a piece of paper that told me my body would not reject these foods and make me feel miserable. So I ate them, and nothing happened. My skin got better. All this time my own mind was the enemy here, and that is what was making me miserable. The stress of it all.

I'm telling this story because I think it speaks volumes about how a "happy state of mind" can have such a positive effect on what is going on inside our bodies. It shows me how powerful our minds really are, and when the mind is at peace... so is the body.

So what do I take from this story and how am I applying it to my "weight loss expectations?"

I am putting my scale away. I will weigh myself every couple of weeks, just to make sure I am maintaining and not going off the deep end. I am going to stop counting macros. I will log my food and calories for a little while longer to establish my portions, but then I will eyeball it and fuel my body based and what it wants and tells me it needs. The only thing I will try to keep going strong is my water consumption. I truly believe drinking a gallon a day has done wonders for my health. Hydration has been essential for my workouts and daily life. I hope letting go of some of these habits of mine will allow me to release the constant stress and worry about my daily consumption. I don't want to worry why the scale went up 1.5 lbs in a day... I don't want to care about that. I just want to live healthy and eat healthy and continue being able to do the things I want to do. I want to try new recipes and love my food. I want to enjoy food, and enjoy cooking again. I want to learn to love my body in the skin I am in today - and yes, I will be thrilled if I can someday be in the 130's - but until then, the 140's have been pretty good to me.

I really don't have anything to complain about.

CPR / AED Certified!!!!

The other day I took a little trip down to Thousand Oaks to get Certified in CPR and AED. I successfully learned how to resuscitate an adult, child and infant.

I feel so incredibly useful now that I know how to do CPR and use an AED.

There is a BIG reason I went to get certified in CPR and AED... I am studying to become a personal trainer. Yep, I said it. I've been going through the online training course offered by NASM. It's been very challenging, and I'm currently in the home stretch. Only two more months of studying until I take my exam.

Here we go!!

Holiday hurdles...

I've started tracking my food again, via the my Fitness Pal app. I'm not gonna lie, my biggest fear of this holiday season is falling off the wagon. I know I won't completely, but I really don't want to lose sight of my goals. I want to continue to eat as paleo as possible, and with so many of my favorite old holiday treats showing up on store shelves its becoming harder and harder to resist. I've stayed the same weight for abou 3 months now, no weight gain, but no loss either. I am thrilled that I have managed to maintain my total loss of 27 lbs for 3 months, but my goal has not yet been reached. I'd like to lose more weight and gain more muscle, and that's a difficult battle - even without the holidays.

So I've started tracking my food again. One thing I have noticed is my metabolism. I can eat a lot more calories now and maintain my weight - as long as they are healthy nutritious calories, of course. I still avoid gluten and grains, and have a renewed love affair with cauliflower rice, but chocolate has been creeping its way back in to my daily diet, and I really need to cut back.

I am also looking into different workout routines. It's been a little difficult staying motivated now that the time has changed and its getting colder. Sleeping and snuggling under a blanket sound so much more inviting that lifting at the gym, but I haven't completely stopped. I've been focusing more on Cardio because it's easier for me to go on auto-pilot, you know... mentally check out and just get it over with. But I need to get back on the weight lifting wagon. Its good for me.

So it looks like that 6 lbs in 6 weeks challenge didn't really work out so well, but I'm not too discouraged. I didn't gain 6 lbs. In fact, my jeans are starting to feel a little bit loose, despite the lack of weight loss - but I hope that isn't from my lack of lifting. :-/

Looks like I've got a date with some dumbbells tomorrow.

I will beat her.... {the old me}

I've just returned from yet another birthday celebration weekend - my good friend's birthday in San Francisco. Though I was extremely active (we ran a 10K on Sunday and walked all day saturday) I still managed to cheat quite a bit. It's difficult when you're surrounded by good friends and some AMAZING places to eat in the city.

So today I am back on the wagon 100%.

Paleo.

Extreme training. 

Running. 

I'm ready.

Some Monday motivation for me:

I thought this was very fitting for the weekend I just had. (I'll post pictures soon)

Week 1 UPDATE: Six lbs in six weeks challenge

I didn't quite realize when I embarked on this 6 lbs challenge, Halloween and my birthday were right around the corner. Talk about some challenges! I did ok though. I made it thru halloween with only a few moments of weakness - and my birthday? Well, there was a sushi dinner, which is not the worst thing you could do, but it definitely wasn't paleo.

Did you ever realize how much weight you can gain from water weight after having sushi and a drink or two? I don't advise ANYONE to do this, but I weighed myself the next day and HOLY MOLY. 3 whole pounds gained from water weight. (You must realize this is water weight, and not freak out!! It takes 3500 calories to make a pound - so for three pounds I would have had to eat 10,500 calories and I KNOW that didn't happen!!)

Anyways, back on topic... so after all of the celebrating and over-indulging I weighed 3 lbs more.... but I've been drinking water like it's my job (about 100 oz a day) and I've flushed those 3 lbs away, and am back to my original weight since I started the challenge. Yes, a setback, but I am staying positive. I had a lot going on last week.... and a lot going on this weekend (Another friend's birthday!) but when its not your birthday its easier to say no. At least thats how I see it.

I have not wavered from my fitness routine. I have been training for a 10K I am running on Sunday, and have included my weight training in that time too. I am still working my muscles and burning calories... I just need to be better about what I eat, which after this weekend I should be able to do. I have reached the 6 mile marker with my running, which was a huge accomplishment. Also, when I took my post-running selfie, my guns were looking pretty good too!

I'm not self absorbed, I'm just proud of how far I have come. I had a very hard time accepting my body my whole life, and lately I have been really starting to love it. I love what it will become, and what it has already been able to do. When you start to love your body again, and appreciate all it can do, you just kind of become obsessed with documenting its changes. :)

Anywho.... to sum it all up, I haven't lost weight, but I've survived Halloween and my birthday relatively unscathed. So with 5 weeks to go, I am more focused and ready for the challenge!!

The Six-and-a-half-week challenge...

The month of October has just zoomed by in a blur.... a very fuzzy, very crazy blur of birthdays, events, holidays, outings and more birthdays.

I began with a friends birthday, with celebratory outings and food - oh the food. There were sandwiches, chimichangas, churros, candy, cake and a lot of other things I "only had a few bites of". Yes, I was good, but not that good. I didn't overeat but I definitely indulged a little too much.

The whole month has been like that really. I was on a role in September: I had successfully lost about 5 more lbs and was on the verge of meeting my actual Drivers License weight. And then October happened. Food, fun and more food.

I'm not upset because I haven't really gained any weight back, I've just hit a wall. My workouts are helping me stay at this weight, but I dont want to stay at this weight. I want to keep going.

So here is my challenge: I HAVE 6.5 WEEKS UNTIL THE COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY.

I want to lose at least another 5 or 6 lbs in the next 6 weeks. Totally doable I think. Thats 1 lb a week if I am diligent and do not break. I can do this. I know I can.

I will be going 98% paleo (a girl needs her 70% cacao chocolate fix - HAHA)
I will be tracking my calories
I will be working out like a beast.

Ok, here I go.

one final return...

i am back. again. for the umpteenth time.

but this time, it will be different. it already is different. things are changing - though not physically, yet, but mentally things are changing. i am slowly ridding myself of temptation. i am learning what it is like to be hungry, and be okay with it. now before you go and assume i am embracing an eating disorder, allow me to explain:

before i started this one last attempt at "dieting" about 2 weeks ago, i was never hungry. i was never hungry because i hated the feeling. the emptiness in my stomach that felt like small stabs, and the rumbling of hunger was just too uncomfortable for me to ever allow it. so, i ate too much 3 times a day AND snacked too much in between to eliminate any possibility of the feeling of hunger.

so now, i drink as much water as i can to suppress the hunger pains in between my much-smaller meals, and they really are starting to get better. my stomach is shrinking. i don't have to eat as much to feel satisfied {notice i didn't say full}. i am getting used to the rumbling, meaning i am getting used to eating less. i am getting used to eating what i should be, rather than what my eyes think i should be.

other good changes i've noticed:
* i am saying no to 400+ calorie breakfast items that i used to so easily cave in to.
* i am eating "just enough" for breakfast and lunch AND i am getting some exercise in too
* i am realizing that soda really isn't all that wonderful
* i am craving less junk food

things to still work on:
* dinner - still over-eating on this one every now and then
* my sweet tooth kicks in every now and again - gotta get a handle on that
* not weighing myself so much. i used to weigh every day and it just wasn't healthy or helpful. it's too discouraging because of the ups and downs of water weight. i need to weigh myself once a month.

so there's the update on my progress. more to come.

So I know it's been like years since I've posted . . .

But I did something crazy on Friday. Something I've been wanting to do, and dreading to do at the same time. I finally swallowed my pride, got up the courage and did the unthinkable....

I JOINED A GYM.

Amazing isn't it? Now I will be forced to go to the gym and work out, or pay my "fat tax" which is my gym membership. First class is tonight.... Body Sculpting. Yipeeeeeee....

Aren't ya proud?

hehehehe

An Experimental Break

I just realized how long it has been since my last post. I haven't posted, probably because I haven't really been following the regimen I so strategically set up for myself. A lot has been going on these past few weeks. Holidays, schedules, gatherings, work and night school. When I have that much going on I tend to throw my hands up in the air and say 'forget it all' when it comes to my diet, and I go about my business... then I weigh in a few weeks later and regret that decision. You see the vicious cycle yet?

I still weigh the exact same. My measurements haven't changed either. I can definitely see more definition in my legs and arms from working out, so at least there's ONE result from all this... I've basically gotten too frustrated with the idea of counting calories. It's a joke actually. I hit my limit after my lunch almost every day, so I work out to be able to eat dinner... which allows me 300 calories. If you're anything like me, that's nearly impossible to do without still feeling hungry.

I'm a very picky eater and need a lot of variety... and variety isn't a close friend of Mr. Diet. So, yeah... finding an eating routine is VERY hard for me. I like change way too much, and shudder at the thought of eating the same thing for 5 days in a row...

One other problem has been my night class schedule. I get off work at 4:30 and race through town to get to class by 5:00 -- no time for food. Class starts at 5:00 and goes til 9:30... we get a 20 minute break around 7:00. I know I could bring something to eat, and probably should, but I hate eating food that has been sitting in a car or a fridge getting soggy or stale... I'm kinda OCD about fresh food... and there's not enough time to go grab something fresh from a store, so I don't eat until I get home.... around 10:00 p.m. -- and I'm starving and gorging on all kinds of random things, and I end up overeating. BAH.

Luckily class is only 10 weeks long and I'm nearing the end of week 3. I've decided the calorie counting is going to be temporarily put on hold, and I'm going to just make healthy choices and stop counting calories for the remainder of class, and continue to exercise whenever the opportunity is present.

It's kind of like an experimental diet break, with the continuation of exercise... and it should be interesting to see if it results in a loss or gain. Sometimes I lose more weight when I'm not thinking about it so much.

Confession Post

Just some random thoughts about my struggle to lose 
anything the past few weeks . . . 

I haven't been following my diet rules very well. Blame it on stress, blame it on my busy schedule {which I brought upon myself}, or blame my lack of motivation.

I give up way too easily. If i get on the scale and see no improvement, I get discouraged, throw my hands up in the air and think, what's the point! It's hard to figure out why eating fewer calories and healthier options, and adding exercise to the mix do nothing to help you lose weight. It's as if the scale tells you that's not good enough, when you feel like you've done everything you could do with what time you had.

It is also hard for me to see a loss of 0.2 after two weeks of busting my butt and worrying constantly about calories and exercise... and then to see that - 0.2 turn into +1 three days later!!! How is it so easy to gain weight, and so darn hard to lose a measly pound???!!!

I have a hard time with the calories I'm allotted for the day. Somehow, some way I manage to always go over... maybe by 60 calories, sometimes by 100 calories. But regardless, I'm STILL eating LESS than I was before... so what gives?

My mind is all over the place lately... I am so busy running from one thing to another, from work to class, worrying about homework and work projects, due dates, scheduling conflicts, meetings... there's just so much on my plate right now, and I'm really stressed out. Maybe that's it. STRESS. I know on Biggest Loser they make a big deal out of stress being the enemy of weight loss, and boy am I a stress basket right now...

I have 30 pounds to lose, and I am struggling with 1 friggin pound... what the heck am I going to do with myself???

Anyone else out there having the same struggles?