Monday, August 15, 2011

you gain some you lose some...

so this morning just before my shower i decided to dust off the old scale and see how my relationship with gravity was going. i took those two steps with about 60% confidence, 30% uncertainty. that's a pretty "confident" ratio for me... so needless to say i expected good numbers...

but alas, i was wrong. i had actually gained back all 5 lbs i had previously lost. i felt defeated, and went about my shower.

after intense thought {which is what we do in the shower, right?} i decided i hadn't been defeated just yet. i needed more proof. i have been feeling better about my body and my clothes have all been fitting more loosly, so i decided to measure myself as well to just confirm that this was actual gain.

and then something weird happened.

i lost inches.

my legs, my hips, my waist... everything. smaller. just as i had been back when i was 5 lbs lighter.

water weight?

muscle gain?

i'm not sure what it is, but at least that small victory in inches has kept my motivation alive for another week of running.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

sunday hike...

last sunday i went for a hike with a few friends, and let me just say it was a GREAT workout. it was a little less hiking, a little more rock hopping/climbing. it was great because my arms got a workout too... as well as my abs because when you hike with friends, you're bound to laugh a bit. we climbed to a spot that had these beautiful punch bowls and a small waterfall which people would slide down. i unfortunately opted out of the slide, but next time i'm definitely doing it!!
Joe was the fearless one in our group that tried it...
now that i'm signed up for the North Face 10K in december, i definitely want to do this hike at least once a week!! i'll take incline training anywhere i can get it!!

Friday, August 5, 2011

workout update...

i've been on a very good running schedule. i run about 2.5 - 3 miles almost every day. i can see a serious improvement in my legs and just feel a little bit better when i wear certain things. i was doing an amazing job with the running when BAM... a nasty cold, followed by stomach flu, followed by moving to a new apartment happened. a solid two weeks of minimal working out went by and i lost my momentum.

as of this week i am officially back in the saddle, and ready to get this running going again. even more exciting news: I AM OFFICIALLY SIGNED UP FOR THE NORTH FACE 10K in SAN FRAN!!!!

there's some motivation if i ever needed it. 6.2 miles, 1000 ft elevation gain. here we go!!!!

so, i'm back to blogging on the skinny diaries.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Operation: Re-invention

I've decided that it is finally time for a re-invention. I am going to change everything about me to be a little bit more ME... if that makes any sense.

You see, I've been dyeing my hair blonde when clearly I am anything but. My roots tell me so every 5 weeks... I also have been trying to dress a certain way and be a certain way, and at some point along the way I think I lost track of who I really am. So, I am going to try this again. I am going to have my hair dyed my natural color, and I'm going to let all the color grow out. I am going to embrace my ashy hair color and love it. {I am also going to love not having a hefty hair expense every other month}

All hair aside, I am also really going to try to drink much much less. One drink when I go out. I wan tto be less of a lush and more of a class act. I will volunteer to be the designated driver most times and learn to have fun just being myself... rather than under any inlfuences.

I am also going to continue my new fitness regime. I have been working out about 5 days a week and some of those days are double workouts. I can see the difference in the tone of my body already and it's been only 3 weeks. But really my main goal is to just treat my body with more respect. I just want to look healthy and fit... I will update my progress here as much as I can. Hopefully daily.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

a new beginning...

so, it's been two weeks since boyfriend and i broke up. i am hurting still, but it is for the best. the emotions will always be there, regardless of who initiated the end.

one good sign that is coming out of all of this is i am finding myself attracted to other people already. which makes me excited, and very very nervous. i am not yet physically ready to be single. i don't feel sexy or confident, and you kind of need those things to attract other people in my experience. i was lucky enough to find boyfriend even though i was nowhere near my goal weight. next time i will not let this happen. i need to feel comfortable in my own skin, and it starts now.

i will be working out at the gym 4-5 days a week... and hopefully someday when my finances are in better order, i will be joining Crossfit with my friends... i can't think of a better opportunity to get in shape and possibly meet new people in the process.

so here we go... 26 years old. single. and starting over.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

the sick diet...

every time i get any type of stomach bug, i lose a ton of weight. i think because whenever my stomach doesn't feel right, i just refuse to put anything into it. and then i shrink....

two days ago i got a stomach ache, and have eaten very little the past few days. i didn't get sick ever, i just felt like i was going to get sick... so i got to thinking: what if i kept this up? what if i just kept eating like i had a stomach bug? perhaps this has some relevance in my dieting.

the problem is, once the stomach ache goes away, the hunger returns. and hunger changes everything. maybe if i get my stomach used to this little amount of food, i will get used to it, and the hunger won't be so bad.

a fun little experiment.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Food log: 2/24/2011

instant oatmeal: 140
12 oz caramel macciato: 110
smarties: 75

subway club w/ avocado and chipotle sauce: 480
baked lays: 140

lunch workout: -325

total: 620

Calories left for dinner: 600

update: February 2011

i have nothing.

as usual.

and I'm sick of saying that... typing that... thinking that.

today i am going shopping for one pair of jeans... ina size 8, and by summertime, i will fit into them. this time i mean it. i have been telling myself that i'm trying, and i have been working out, but it's all been in my head. i'm not trying that hard. i still eat what i want in somewhat of a moderation, but i eat as much as a man which is why i weigh as much as a man.

today is the day i stop fooling myself into believing i am ok where i'm at. last night i broke down in front of my boyfriend. i hadn't done this in a while – not even when alone in my room on the scale, or in the shower. i hadn't had that moment of reality for months... even years. but last night i called myself disgusting, fat, blubbery, gross... all those names i used to call myself when i was 160 lbs in high school. last night was a terrible breakdown, but the positive i can get out of it is that i quit accepting my weight and my looks and decided i wasn't where i wanted to be. i want to be a size 8 again... that's only 2 sizes smaller than now. it's about 20 lbs. that would be a tremendous start.

so, after my first breakdown in years, i'm on my way.... on my way to a size 8 and being proud of the way i look.

I'm serious this time.