memories of a thinner time

Here's a little look into why I'm doing this...


Back in my college days, when I was at the tender age of 19, my family and I went to Hawaii for a week in the summertime. This was a little family tradition we had every summer. We went on a family vacation to Hawaii. When I was much younger, I absolutely loved going to Hawaii for so many reasons: the sun, being in a bathing suit 24/7, the warm ocean, and most importantly, the food. Growing up, eating was pretty much my favorite sport. I loved food, and going out to restaurants... which led me to my infamous chubbiness as a kid.

But by the time I was in college, unlike today, I had full control of my eating habits, and weighed 139 lbs --- i know right? I had a very strict exercise regime and a long list of foods that simply weren't allowed to be touched. These foods included anything fried or fatty, candy, chips, cheese, whole milk, soda, and desserts. Those were completely off limits. My diet was incredibly effective... especially the part where I was only eating about 1000 calories a day, and burning about 700 calories during workouts. {sheesh}

My last family vacation to Hawaii was a very memorable experience. It was the first Hawaii trip where food was NOT my main attraction. While everyone was eating eggs benedict, waffles & syrup, cheeseburgers, shrimp scampi, bread and butter, and macadamia-crusted mahi mahi, I was having a salad with chicken & light dressing, iced water, and bran muffins and fruit.
No fried stuff, no fattening stuff. I was also running on the beach every morning to burn off the healthy calories I was eating too.

On that week-long vacation to Hawaii, I LOST 5 pounds.
That's how disciplined I was.

I can't help but wonder now, what the heck happened to that healthy me? How did all of my rules and good eating habits fly right out the window? How on earth did I allow those 40 pounds I worked so hard to lose crawl right back on my body? 40 pounds. Wow... guess I didn't realize how much that really was until now.   : (


I guess I have to look at the small details. Because in the big picture, the grand scheme of things, I am still the same person I was back then. I guess I just cared more about what I shoved in my mouth and how hard I worked out. I cared so much that I gave up so many of my favorite things... and I was happy to get on the scale, and go shopping, and sit up straight on the beach... in a two piece... with people around!!! Where did I go? What event(s) led me to not care anymore?


I am finally coming to terms with many of my issues. I know why I'm not losing weight. I eat too much for my body size. I need to find that path back to my old self. The self that didn't flinch when there were chips and dip on the table, and just looking at fries with ranch made me sick. I need to find a way to become that girl again.


I guess understanding my problem is the first step to finding the old me. It's all about the babysteps...