Just a journal entry...

although i haven't lost any weight yet, i am starting to see a difference in my daily habits, which is a sign that my motivation is slowly making a return.

i have stopped srinking diet soda, and started drinks a TON of water - for me. i am drinking about 50 - 60 ounces of water a day {about 3 regular bottles}. to some people, that is nothing. to me, that is a huge milestone. drinking water has always been hard for me, but when i think about the benefits of your organs being hydrated, as well as your skin feeling more supple, and having more energy for workouts, i think the water switch is making a difference. sure i'll have soda here and there, but now it's a treat, not a staple.

i still need to work on the wholewrking out thing. i work out here and there, but its very sporratic. i haven't fallen into a good routine yet. i'm hoping once this horrible allergy flare up, and me having the stomach flue is over, i can get back in the gym and stick to a workout plan.

i need to stop snacking. i started tracking my daily food intake again, and this time i'm being honest. this is also a step for me... since i used to leave out the pack of smarties or handful of cashews i ate in the afternoon. those calories add up to a meal if you eat without thinking. it's only been a few days, and i have still had a few packs of smarties, but i'm getting better, and i'm tracking everything. i plan to get better and better each week.

i keep thinking about my friend Rebecca. she's super thin andin shape, and shes had a baby. because of her knees, she can only walk, yet she still manages to stay in shape. i want to keep this in mind while i'm working out. as long as i eat like i'm not working out, i can do less strenuous excercises and still be successful. i just have to keep my eye on my plate and make sure i don't go over my calories. it's a lot harder to achieve without workouts, but i know i can do it.

that's all for now. just a random journal entry.

I feel horrible right now...

I have completely failed myself.
I have gained 10 pounds in the last year, and I am completely ashamed of myself. I know what my problem is, I eat too much. By why? WHY? Why do I feel this constant urge to eat like a starving animal? Whenever I look at my skinny friends who so often skip meals or pass up a plate of french fries, I ask myself, "why am I not like that? Why don't I have this careless relationship with meals? Why can't I stop worrying about food like them?"

I have some major habits to break. I am working on them. But I just worry that this struggle with food is going to be a lifelong issue I won't be able to completely shake. Ignorance is one of my major issues with diets. I ignore the little things I eat that add up to majpr calories at the end of the day... and that is how I got to this weight.

Ignorance is NOT bliss.