Confession Post

Just some random thoughts about my struggle to lose 
anything the past few weeks . . . 

I haven't been following my diet rules very well. Blame it on stress, blame it on my busy schedule {which I brought upon myself}, or blame my lack of motivation.

I give up way too easily. If i get on the scale and see no improvement, I get discouraged, throw my hands up in the air and think, what's the point! It's hard to figure out why eating fewer calories and healthier options, and adding exercise to the mix do nothing to help you lose weight. It's as if the scale tells you that's not good enough, when you feel like you've done everything you could do with what time you had.

It is also hard for me to see a loss of 0.2 after two weeks of busting my butt and worrying constantly about calories and exercise... and then to see that - 0.2 turn into +1 three days later!!! How is it so easy to gain weight, and so darn hard to lose a measly pound???!!!

I have a hard time with the calories I'm allotted for the day. Somehow, some way I manage to always go over... maybe by 60 calories, sometimes by 100 calories. But regardless, I'm STILL eating LESS than I was before... so what gives?

My mind is all over the place lately... I am so busy running from one thing to another, from work to class, worrying about homework and work projects, due dates, scheduling conflicts, meetings... there's just so much on my plate right now, and I'm really stressed out. Maybe that's it. STRESS. I know on Biggest Loser they make a big deal out of stress being the enemy of weight loss, and boy am I a stress basket right now...

I have 30 pounds to lose, and I am struggling with 1 friggin pound... what the heck am I going to do with myself???

Anyone else out there having the same struggles?

What Makes Me Eat?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. About what makes me eat, and why I feel like I'm 'hungry' all the time. I've looked at my lifestyle changes over the last few years and, well, I've finally found the root of my problem...

When I was in college, every day was different. I was driving a lot from here to there, going to class, going to photo shoots, working as a waitress, and sat at my desk for only a few hours each day. I had little to no time to think about food or snacking. Food was NOT a priority. I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full. Of course I was eating healthy and watching calories too. I was also working out (probably an equal amount as I am now).

Now that I'm working in a corporate office, every day is the same. I'm driving to and from the same place, and sitting on my ever-growing butt for 8 hours, and I am constantly putting things in my mouth regardless if I'm hungry or not. I'm bored almost all the time, and because of that, I constantly think about food and the next thing I'm going to eat.

The diagnosis? -- I am unfulfilled with my career and my job situation, so I fulfill my emptiness with the most convenient thing - FOOD. Because I am chained to my desk for 8 hours, my freedom and activities are VERY limited, and it makes me feel trapped. So I eat my frustrations, which ironically, just creates more frustrations.

"Many people feel emotionally empty for one reason or another, and more often than not, food is the most convenient thing that comforts them."


Luckily I am working on a new career path, which will give me a lot more freedom and movement, which will remove me from cubicle life, and allow me to focus MORE on my CRAFT and LESS on EATING everything in sight.

Rule Number 1

Rule #1: Eating on the go or eating while standing causes you to forget what you are eating and how much you are eating. When eating meals and snacks, always sit down and eat them. 

making the Switch - Part 2

So a few other 'issues' of mine are LUNCH and DINNER. Breakfast is always a must, and any nutritionist will say so, but it packs on about 400 calories to my day.

Then comes lunchtime. I usually make pretty decent choices for lunch - most of the time it being a Subway 6 inch with baked lays. (Big issue is the chips, I know they're baked but they add 130 calories to my day, but I need something to munch on until my lunch break arrives. BOO) By lunchtime, without a workout in, I'm up to 800 or 900 calories, leaving me with only 300 calories left for dinner.

In reality, dinner is the biggest meal I make and has the highest calories, and 300 calories is just plain unrealistic. By the end of the day, if I've had a workout, my hunger has become a wild ravenous beast, and it needs the comfort of food... not a little 300 calorie snack. There's just no way I could eat 300 calories and be satisfied. Dinner is my favorite part of the evening, so something needed to change to allow this to still happen...

SWITCH #2 - Lunch

I will be attempting to go from eating a BIG lunch...

... to eating a bowl of cereal. {Kinda like the Special K diet}

Hopefully this low-calorie, mid-day switch will allow me more calories in the evening, which will keep me from going over my daily limit. This could be ESPECIALLY effective on days I am NOT working out. Those days are so hard to avoid eating over 1200 calories... are ya kidding me??

I'll let you guys know how this goes.

Goals for This Week

Okay, after the dieting disaster that was this weekend, I've decided to take this thing seriously. This week, I'm making some food and fitness goals for myself... thought that might be an easier way to stay on track.

Fitness Goals:

• Monday: Run 2.5 miles outside at lunch. 1 mile walk in the evening.

• Tuesday: GYM day: 35 minutes cardio and  25 minutes free weights.

• Wednesday: Run 2.5 miles outside at lunch.

• Thursday: GYM day: 35 minutes cardio and  25 minutes free weights.

• Friday: Rest.

• Saturday: Short run by the beach? Or a bike ride? Must do SOMETHING.

• Sunday: Rest.

FOOD Goals:

• No eating after 7:30 p.m.

• No snacks, unless it's a vegetable or fruit.

• Do NOT go over my calorie limit any day this week.

• Continue to make healthy choices. NO Sugar!!!

weekend recap

well, I'm a little ashamed to say that i completely forgot I was on a diet this weekend. Not just a little forgetfulness, I completely ignored ALL rules to my diet. It was terrible. There was wine, chips, chocolate, cheese, big meals, BBQ steak, sushi... 

ugh. 

I'm so sad right now. 

I even had the nerve to weigh myself this morning.

Not a single pound difference. I weigh the exact same as last week.

Which, in hindsight, is better than it could be I suppose. I didn't gain anything.

But I need to address the real issue here: 

I keep sabotaging my progress.

Why do I keep sabotaging my diet? Why can't I seem to care enough about this to avoid temptation and stick to my rules and guidelines? Why doesn't it matter as much as food?

I need to psych myself out again. Get myself pumped. I need to think about the end result every single time I put a greasy chip or delicious snack in my hand. Think about trying on jeans in a smaller size. Think about throwing out all the clothes that are "too big" to wear. Think about hearing people say "you've lost weight!" I need to think about the results. Because without the prize in sight, I'll keep going around and around this evil circle. 

What motivates you?

Two Steps Back

Today, I'm feeling a little disgruntled, frustrated and defeated. Though I know I will not give up, there just always seems to be a pothole in the road that you don't see, or you pretend you don't see.
Allow me to clarify: I got a new scale yesterday. I noticed on the F2F Challenge everyone was using nice digital scales, and I thought, hey, I should probably run with the pack on this one and ditch my ancient antique of a scale and get a digital one. My digital scale is really nice, and works great.

Almost too great, actually.

Turns out, my ancient scale was nicer to me than I thought. My ancient scale told me I was in between 174 - 176. {The red hand never really stopped shaking in between those numbers - as I said before: ancient scale} While my NEW scale tells me I am actually 177.2 -- lovely. A whole 2 pounds more than I thought I had to lose. At least I know the truth right?

So today, I am making adjustments to all my stats and buttons. Joy.