I will beat her.... {the old me}

I've just returned from yet another birthday celebration weekend - my good friend's birthday in San Francisco. Though I was extremely active (we ran a 10K on Sunday and walked all day saturday) I still managed to cheat quite a bit. It's difficult when you're surrounded by good friends and some AMAZING places to eat in the city.

So today I am back on the wagon 100%.

Paleo.

Extreme training. 

Running. 

I'm ready.

Some Monday motivation for me:

I thought this was very fitting for the weekend I just had. (I'll post pictures soon)

Past and present....

When I started this fitness adventure, I started from square one. I remember the first run I ever went on. I remember my lungs burning after the first half mile, and I had only planned on running one - maybe two. I was encouraged to run with a group from work who ran on their lunch breaks. They were incredibly kind, and understanding that I wasn't a runner, and one of them chose to stay back (waaaaaaaay back) with me as I struggled not to start walking after this first half mile. I was embarrassed and every inch of my being wanted to turn around and hide back in my cubicle in shame, but this coworker insisted I keep going. He pushed me to run 2.75 miles. That was 2.75 miles of pure torture. My ankles were killing me, my calfs were burning and my lungs felt like they were going to explode. I couldn't believe I made it.... and if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have.

This was almost 3 years ago.

I ran for the remainder of that year, promising myself to work up to a 5K (3.1 miles) without stopping. I even signed up for a 5K race in the town I worked in. And I ended up running it, and only walking a little. Slowly but surely I became a better runner.

Now I am working towards my first 10K in November, the Mermaid Run in San Francisco. I'm excited. This will be the furthest I've ever run before -  and while I'm in the best shape of my life!

Last night I went out to this park that has a 1.4 mile loop running path around it. I ran it 3.5 times -  for a total of 5 miles. Thats just 1.2 miles away from where I need to be, and I could have easily done that.

Needless to say I have come a LONG way from that first run. Sometimes I just need to remember how far I've come. It's been a long road, but now I can run the whole thing! ;)

E

Progress and old photos...

Sometimes its hard to see the results of your hard work when you see yourself in the mirror every single day. Seeing the day to day progress is tricky. It s a slow change that is easily missed or skewed. I was starting to feel like I was back-peddling a little bit, falling off the wagon. I've been eating not-so-great lately, but the portion sizes have been there. I just wasn't feeling great about my progress, until I found this old photo of myself (left), and put it next to a current photo (right). This was when I was at my heaviest. I hated my body, hated shopping and had no idea how to fix it. A lot has changed since then...

I know it's not a whole body before/after, we'll get there. I'm not at my goal yet. But holy moly can you see a difference in the face here. Or at least I can.

I'm actually very proud of the 13 pounds I've lost. I am trying for about 20 more, but hey, I have 13 gone. Out of my life for good. And now I have some evidence, and it feels good.

So good.

What Makes Me Eat?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. About what makes me eat, and why I feel like I'm 'hungry' all the time. I've looked at my lifestyle changes over the last few years and, well, I've finally found the root of my problem...

When I was in college, every day was different. I was driving a lot from here to there, going to class, going to photo shoots, working as a waitress, and sat at my desk for only a few hours each day. I had little to no time to think about food or snacking. Food was NOT a priority. I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full. Of course I was eating healthy and watching calories too. I was also working out (probably an equal amount as I am now).

Now that I'm working in a corporate office, every day is the same. I'm driving to and from the same place, and sitting on my ever-growing butt for 8 hours, and I am constantly putting things in my mouth regardless if I'm hungry or not. I'm bored almost all the time, and because of that, I constantly think about food and the next thing I'm going to eat.

The diagnosis? -- I am unfulfilled with my career and my job situation, so I fulfill my emptiness with the most convenient thing - FOOD. Because I am chained to my desk for 8 hours, my freedom and activities are VERY limited, and it makes me feel trapped. So I eat my frustrations, which ironically, just creates more frustrations.

"Many people feel emotionally empty for one reason or another, and more often than not, food is the most convenient thing that comforts them."


Luckily I am working on a new career path, which will give me a lot more freedom and movement, which will remove me from cubicle life, and allow me to focus MORE on my CRAFT and LESS on EATING everything in sight.

memories of a thinner time

Here's a little look into why I'm doing this...


Back in my college days, when I was at the tender age of 19, my family and I went to Hawaii for a week in the summertime. This was a little family tradition we had every summer. We went on a family vacation to Hawaii. When I was much younger, I absolutely loved going to Hawaii for so many reasons: the sun, being in a bathing suit 24/7, the warm ocean, and most importantly, the food. Growing up, eating was pretty much my favorite sport. I loved food, and going out to restaurants... which led me to my infamous chubbiness as a kid.

But by the time I was in college, unlike today, I had full control of my eating habits, and weighed 139 lbs --- i know right? I had a very strict exercise regime and a long list of foods that simply weren't allowed to be touched. These foods included anything fried or fatty, candy, chips, cheese, whole milk, soda, and desserts. Those were completely off limits. My diet was incredibly effective... especially the part where I was only eating about 1000 calories a day, and burning about 700 calories during workouts. {sheesh}

My last family vacation to Hawaii was a very memorable experience. It was the first Hawaii trip where food was NOT my main attraction. While everyone was eating eggs benedict, waffles & syrup, cheeseburgers, shrimp scampi, bread and butter, and macadamia-crusted mahi mahi, I was having a salad with chicken & light dressing, iced water, and bran muffins and fruit.
No fried stuff, no fattening stuff. I was also running on the beach every morning to burn off the healthy calories I was eating too.

On that week-long vacation to Hawaii, I LOST 5 pounds.
That's how disciplined I was.

I can't help but wonder now, what the heck happened to that healthy me? How did all of my rules and good eating habits fly right out the window? How on earth did I allow those 40 pounds I worked so hard to lose crawl right back on my body? 40 pounds. Wow... guess I didn't realize how much that really was until now.   : (


I guess I have to look at the small details. Because in the big picture, the grand scheme of things, I am still the same person I was back then. I guess I just cared more about what I shoved in my mouth and how hard I worked out. I cared so much that I gave up so many of my favorite things... and I was happy to get on the scale, and go shopping, and sit up straight on the beach... in a two piece... with people around!!! Where did I go? What event(s) led me to not care anymore?


I am finally coming to terms with many of my issues. I know why I'm not losing weight. I eat too much for my body size. I need to find that path back to my old self. The self that didn't flinch when there were chips and dip on the table, and just looking at fries with ranch made me sick. I need to find a way to become that girl again.


I guess understanding my problem is the first step to finding the old me. It's all about the babysteps...