Evil BMI Charts

I work at a company that is kind enough to spoil us with a health and fitness program. Part of those benefits, apparently, is an annual {voluntary} biometric testing -  you know, cholesterol, glucose levels, triglyceride levels.... it's pretty bad ass.

So I decided, yes, of course I wanted to do this. I should know where I stand as far as my health is concerned. In all honesty, I felt pretty confident I was going to see decent results, and I was right.... for the most part....

Turns out, according to the nurse that drew my blood and scanned it in her handy dandy little machine, All of my "numbers" are excellent. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol levels are great, glucose levels are great, and so on.... BUT... my BMI was NOT great.

You see, because I am a short 5'5" woman.... my weight throws a wrench into my healthy system. I pack a mighty punch in this little body of mine. When most people guess my weight, they are a solid 30+ pounds off.... and I mean I am usually 30 lbs heavier than most guesses.

So, you can see where this is going. I weighed in.... after seeing the number, in my head I hear, "Awesome! I'm another pound lighter AND I have clothes on right now!"
What the nurse said after calculating my BMI, "Well, this is where you need some work. your BMI is 30, which makes you Obese. You know, you could improve that by changing your diet and doing some exercise...."

Obese.

That awful, awful word.

I laughed in her face, but in that HOW DARE YOU kind of way. I saved her the explanation because I doubt she wanted to hear about how I've lost almost 10 pounds already from DIET and EXERCISE, ahem, thank you very much mean nurse lady..... I knew she didn't care. It wasn't worth the hassle.

I left feeling a little bummed. It hurt to hear that after everything I've gone through this year so far, I'm still OBESE. It's terrible, how a simple word can make you feel so defeated. And then I went from feeling defeated to feeling angry.

How dare they categorize us all into about 5 different body types?!?!?!? We are a gigantic race with each and every one of us, a different make up. Different body types, genetics, disorders, hurdles.... this stupid piece of shit BMI chart is practically a playground bully.... rubbing your face in the metaphorical sand that is obesity.

I mean, seriously.... take a look at this.

Because of my height, I am apparently the second from the right.....

Clearly, this BMI chart business is for the birds. I am in the OVERWEIGHT section, not the OBESE section. I understand it helps some people get an idea of where they are and where they should be, but in my case, I feel like it was a complete miss... I know I have work left to do to myself, but COME ON.

Please dont focus too much on these charts. They are a vague generalization.

The worst mistake

So last night I was walking my dog around the block when it happend.

My dog was sniffing a bush as I was standing, not thinking someone was watching me at all, therefor I was not thinking about my posture or 'sucking it in' at all...

A woman walks by and asks, "how's your baby?"
A little confused, I asked, "you mean my dog? She's good."
Now pointing to my stomach, "No, your baby! How far along are you?"
My response, "Oh, I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat that way..."
Lady: "Oh dear." as she briskly walked away in embarrassment.

Oh. my. god. Seriously? I was feeling really good about myself that day too.

Nothing like the 'worst mistake ever' to ruin your excercise mojo... ugh.

The Revelation . . .

Here's a funny {and embarrassing} little story of how I realized I'd truly lost my fit/healthy self:

My boyfriend's uncle was in town and decided he wanted to take us out to a nice restaurant for dinner. Awesome. I loved this restaurant. The only problem? I wasn't informed of this outing until after I'd arrived at his house... in sweatpants.

After realizing we were leaving in about 20 minutes I made a mad dash to the local $25 and under clothing store. This quickly prompted a mini meltdown in the dressing room over NOTHING fitting me properly. I accepted my defeat and walked out empty-handed knowing I would have to go to the restaurant in sweats, and I really didn't want to do that.

Only trying to be helpful, my boyfriend then offers his jeans for me to wear. Under normal circumstances this would have been a cool idea. Optimistically, I thought, 'I could be the slender girlfriend wearing her boyfriend's baggy jeans and a cute fitted tee...'

But reality came and slapped me out of my daydream and right back into the real world. The idea of trying on my boyfriends jeans immediately turned into an internal panic attack, 'what if they don't even fit me? After all, I am the overweight girlfriend desperately attempting to conceal the knowledge that she weighs the SAME as her boyfriend and would absolutely DIE to have him realize his jeans don't fit her.'

We got back to his apartment and he draped some jeans out on the couch. I looked at them with an awkward look on my face that apparently read in his mind that they were ugly -- which in a way, I was trying to do. I thought, 'if I make it seem like I don't like the style, I won't have to try them on'. He then said the dreaded words, "those are the biggest ones I own."

Oh, really? The BIGGEST ones? Awesome. 

I know sometimes guys don't even realize the things they say have the sharpest thorns, but this one hit me dead in the stomach. Obviously the concealment of my size and weight has failed miserably. I have not fooled my boyfriend.... {Did I really think I WAS fooling him to begin with?}

I left my pride bleeding on the floor as we walked out the door towards the restaurant.

I wore sweatpants... and ordered a salad.