honestly, wtf: frustrated.

so it's been a month on this clean eating kick, with reasonable cheat meals, plenty of exercise and lots of water, very little diet soda.

i've gained almost 4 pounds.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cue emotional meltdown.

i know, this may seem a little overly dramatic, but you have to understand - i made a HUGE lifestyle change. i stopped eating bread, chips, fries, pita chips, bagels..... and so on.

i started exercising an extra two days a week.

i am drinking way more water, and almost cut diet soda out completely.

WHAT. AM. I. DOING. WRONG?!?!?!?!?!?

it must be my calorie intake, even if it is mostly protein and leafy greens.

i really don't understand it. and everyone is telling me its MUSCLE.

i call bullshit.

four pounds of muscle????? come on, i haven't changed my workouts THAT much.

this is horse shit, and this is about the time i would normally give up, but i wont. i like the way i feel a lot more than i used to.... even if my ass is fatter. 

i guess maybe i still have hope. maybe i'm hoping i can cut my portions even more than i already have. I can eat more leafy greens without dressing, or at the very least... just a little dressing.

i can snack on bell peppers. i can convince myself they dont taste like dirt. i can do this, maybe.

maybe.

Getting over the three-week hump...

I'm trying not to get discouraged here. I know it has only been about 3 weeks of clean eating and excercise, but when so many changes have been made with barely any results seen, its hard not to feel defeated. All of my friends and closest supporters are telling me to keep my chin up, because this kind of lifestyle change is not going to show immediate results, but in time I will start to see the difference.

I met with a nutritionist yesterday, mostly to talk about dinner. I've met with her before, and she made wonderful suggestions for breakfast and lunches, which I have recently implemented into my diet. Yesterday was the time to talk about dinner.... and my progress. She made me feel better about my results, or the lack thereof, and tried to have me focus on the other reasons I am making this change. I want to be healthy, I want to feel young and vibrant and happy, not sick and tired all the time. For too many years I've been feeling lazy, lathargic and just plain down on myself. I am enjoying how I feel on the inside... it's just hard when how i feel on the inside doesn't match how I feel on the outside. I still hate how I look in my underwear. I still feel like a one piece at the beach is an absolute necessity. I'm 28, I am still well within the teeny bikini age bracket, this is just ridiculous.

Where were we? Oh yea, dinner. 

So my dinner plate is supposed to look pretty bright and green, with a little meat (about 25% of the plate) a little healthy starch (carrots, peas, sweet potatoes - again about 25% of the plate), a salad with leafy greens and some fresh green veggies. Easy peasy.

So, I'm pretty much doing that – and it's pretty much a 180 flip from what I was doing before, and yet I weigh... wait for it..... 1.9 lbs MORE than before.

I know I know... I shouldn't be weighing myself. Even the nutritionist said to avoid the scale. But seriously, who wouldn't be curious after like 3 weeks of all this hard work and healthy eating?

Notes to self {from the nutritionist and good smart friends}:

• Fu©% that scale.

• Muscle weighs more than fat. the extra 1.9 lbs perhaps?

• Think positive. Look at the perks that are already showing themselves. 

  – Hair is not falling out nearly as badly - it's a long-hair thing.

  – I work out better, feel fuller longer when I eat well.

  – Bad cravings are almost completely GONE.

• This is me now....

.....and quite frankly, its not that bad. 

Nothing is impossible... and this is a damn good starting point.

And so, long story short... meeting with the nutritionist brought some motivation back, and talked me into not giving up like I usually do.

Measurements - Week 1

Well, my weight has not changed, but there are a lot of reasons why that might be happening, still annoying though. Hmph!

BUT my measurements are still shrinking slowly but surely...

I lost another 1/2" in my arms!!!!! {12.5}
lost another 1/2" in my hips!!!!! {38.5}
lost another 1/2" in my waist!!!!! {34.5}

I think the change is my arms is the most amazing.... they have been at 13" since the beginning of time!!!!  -  ok slight exaggeration there, but they've been at 13 for a very long time. 12.5 is huge to me...

i gotta keep going with this....

The hike....

a few weeks ago, a typical saturday for me would have been going out to breakfast (after a long night of drinking) maybe doing a bit of shopping, and then A LOT of lounging around the house in sweats. then having lunch. lounging some more, then dinner.

lazy and full of calories.

saturday is my cheat day, but i don't want it to completely ruin my progress for the week, so on friday i invited all my friends to go on a hike in santa barbara, followed by a delicious lunch/dinner at Eureka burger - {which by the way is the most amazing restaurant to have a cheat day at.... EVER}

not a bad idea, huh? burn a boat-load of calories THEN have your cheat food.... i like it.

and, it was so much fun!!! {can you see the excitement on our faces?}

i think we have decided to make this a weekend tradition.

Measurement update: SUCCESS {so far}

All this week I've been sticking to spinach smoothies and egg whites for breakfast, chicken and spinach salads for lunch and a paleo-inspired meal for dinner.

I've also been doing body boot camp at lunch three days a week.

The report: I've lost 1/2" in my waist and hips, everything else is still the same, but hey that's a huge start.... especially for having been doing this for only 4 days so far.

High-Five to myself.

:)

It's 2013, and this year I mean it.

it's 2013...

every year countless people swear they'll make a change. i'm guilty myself of doing such things....

this year, i'd like to mean it.

i'd like to mean it when i say i'll eat healthier, run more, eat less processed foods, get smaller and smaller until i fit into that elusive size 6...

so what was the first step?

i undeleted this blog. and i made it public again. and i am going to try my hardest to document the things i eat and exercises i do until i am a size 6..... i'll even take a size 8 for now. as long as i do it and i mean it.

Day 1 - check.

:)