a new beginning...

so, it's been two weeks since boyfriend and i broke up. i am hurting still, but it is for the best. the emotions will always be there, regardless of who initiated the end.

one good sign that is coming out of all of this is i am finding myself attracted to other people already. which makes me excited, and very very nervous. i am not yet physically ready to be single. i don't feel sexy or confident, and you kind of need those things to attract other people in my experience. i was lucky enough to find boyfriend even though i was nowhere near my goal weight. next time i will not let this happen. i need to feel comfortable in my own skin, and it starts now.

i will be working out at the gym 4-5 days a week... and hopefully someday when my finances are in better order, i will be joining Crossfit with my friends... i can't think of a better opportunity to get in shape and possibly meet new people in the process.

so here we go... 26 years old. single. and starting over.

the sick diet...

every time i get any type of stomach bug, i lose a ton of weight. i think because whenever my stomach doesn't feel right, i just refuse to put anything into it. and then i shrink....

two days ago i got a stomach ache, and have eaten very little the past few days. i didn't get sick ever, i just felt like i was going to get sick... so i got to thinking: what if i kept this up? what if i just kept eating like i had a stomach bug? perhaps this has some relevance in my dieting.

the problem is, once the stomach ache goes away, the hunger returns. and hunger changes everything. maybe if i get my stomach used to this little amount of food, i will get used to it, and the hunger won't be so bad.

a fun little experiment.